Today is a new month. I had great hopes for January. But the tragically devastating loss of a dear friend on New Year's Day has sent my little family reeling and spinning off its stable axis.
Today is a new month, but the loss is still so great. So many unanswered questions makes it hard to overcome. We feel not only her loss daily, but also her presence, the two playing tug-of-war in our hearts. The weight is still so heavy to bear.
There are nightmares.
There are tears once the sun sinks low, and the little is asleep.
There is anger and confusion and anxiety.
There is the weight. The weight is. so. much.
I am white-knuckling the rope to my anchor-sister so she doesn't slip beneath the waves. There will be no drowning. There will be no more drowning.
I haven't forgotten the good that January has brought: the fresh starts, the new plans, the love. It is the sunshine to focus on when the days are clouded.
I will keep our heads above the water. And this grief will subside like the tide. We will roll with it.
February is a new month, and there are calmer seas ahead.
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