Memorial day part 2

Uncle ethan zooms her around the house...literally!

Grandma chat-fest.

Sam, sunshine, and love. LIFE IS GOOD!!

The Mother of all Mother's Days

Mother's day started off with loads of assorted mommy presents....but my favorite of all...a 50mm lens for my camera. check this baby out.. (keep in mind, this was my first day using it...but i think i did ok for a beginner!)

I woke up from working the night before and headed on over to my parents house with the babes and husband. While Daddy cooked some BBQ, sista-friend and I played catch....with some adorable help from the babycakes....who can actually THROW!!!! Auntie Sarah sees great potential in our future little ball player! :)

There is nothing better than days like this...spent with people who love you and love up your babes, eating good soul food, and playing a little bit of ball in the sunshine...even if you do inevitably lose the ball at the end of the day.

A very belated Happy Mother's Day to all the mommies and mommies to be out there, especially my amazing mother-in-law who I didn't get to see on Mother's Day.

Thank you!

Randomness

Some avonlea randomness from the past month or two. :)

Birthday Bliss

I know. It's been an ungodly amount of time. I just couldn't pull my head out of my bum to post. and then i started getting all this anxiety about how i haven't posted in 10 years. so, i'm gonna do some drive-by posts in pictures to get us all caught up and back to the present day!!

We had a little party for the birthday girl....(way back in april)....

Lots of balloons...lots of friends....lots of food...and lots of presents....what more could we ask for?

I think this is the most sugar she's ever had in her life! She actually made a dent in that cake!!

All pooped out....she slept like a rock that night!

It was a busy, but love filled day. Thank you to everyone who came, helped us set up and break down the party, ate all the wonderful food cooked by my MIL and husband, and brought wonderful gifts for Avonlea to love!!

Nurses Week

This post goes out to all my nurse friends, who kick ass every day. Especially the nurses that I have the pleasure to work with.

I work with incredible nurses, both in skill and in heart. Working with the population what we work with is no easy feat. I have seen a lot in my 4 years of being in the Pediatric ICU. I have seen babies live despite all odds, and many have died. And it never really gets easier to watch. We just get better at dealing with it.

So thank you, girls, for being with me through the long nights. Thank you for medication checks, and siding with each other while bickering with doctors. Thank you for 2 am baths, 9 pm trache care, help with admissions, transfers and discharges. Thank you for snacks, family dinner time, and weekend take-out. Thank you for helping me pick grieving parents up off the floor to hold their dying children. Thank you for picking me up off the floor every night around 4 am.

Here's to many more years, and many more nurses' day with my favorite crew. With you, I know I am never working alone.

Get out there and hug your favorite nurse today! :)

Getting Back To Good

"honey....honey! wake up! I just went to take my medicine, and spilled them everywhere....I found all of them but one....can you look for it? Watch the baby really good....I love you, bye"

That's what I woke up to thursday morning.

Avonlea decided that she didn't want the eggs and sausage I made her for breakfast. Or the yogurt. Or the waffle I made her. Or the toast. And when she refused the mandarin oranges, I knew something was up. And when she started furiously rubbing her eyes and face, I plopped her in the tub thinking she had gotten pepper in her eyes from the eggs.

And then she was all mottled and blueish.

And then she was acting like a crazy person, scratching her body, pulling her hair and her ears, shaking, and screaming like she was on fire.

I let her run around naked in her room, her feet weaving her around the sand-colored carpet, and I called my friend Amy to pick her brain. We decided I should call the pediatrician. So I went downstairs, and that's when I saw it on the floor.

The Missing Pill. Laying in a drool soaked puddle.

The Missing Pill is a high dose, extended release Ritalin derivative. An amphetamine.

That's right, say it with me.

FUCK.

Poison control said I needed to take her to the Emergency room, so I packed up the babe, inconsolable, and brought her to my hospital. They were waiting for us, had a room all ready. Some bloodwork, an IV, a few EKGs, and a bottle of bubbles later, we were admitted to the med-surg floor for monitoring. She had had some EKG changes, and her heart enzymes were elevated. By 6pm the inconsolable-ness had worn off, and she was literally running around like she was on speed. Well, that's because she was. We had a rough, sleepless night of flying around the unit saying "hi! hi! hi! hi! hi!" to everyone/everything we could.

Our morning labs were not improved, but the repeat EKG was. They wanted to keep us another night, but this Momma had had enough. And so we packed up the babe and brought her home to her own toys, her own tub, and her own bed.

She's back to her normal self, no Speedy Gonzalez anymore, and despite a few nightmares that needed some momma hugs and kisses, she's back to good.

Might take Mommy a little longer. The guilt on this side of the fence is overwhelming. But I guess all those times that I told all those Other Mommies who walked into my unit "it could have happened to anyone".... guess I wasn't really lying. Because it happened to me. In a minute.

So, I'll work on the guilt. And I'll hug through the nightmares. And I'll get back to good, too.

A special thank you to all the souls who brought needed supplies, gave advice despite the unpredictable outcomes, treated, cared for and loved my little one and me. And for the night crowd who tip-toed and kept me going through the long night with texts and visits, kisses and kind words. You are loved and appreciated more than you could ever know.

Easter Sunday Funday

So Easter turned into a pleasant surprise...I was scheduled to work that night and I wound up getting cancelled, so I shot on over to my parents house and got to see my little bunny in her Easter dress, eat some yummy food, and hang out with the family.

Look at all my eggs, Daddy!

Amazing cheesecake that my mom made!

Although I missed all the egg hunts, it's ok. I'll be able to be there next year, when it really gets fun!

Happy easter!

little ditty

i found this little song today.

today, my non-mommy day.

where i did household things, got my oil changed, did some vacation clothes shopping, and enjoyed being a non-mommy for an afternoon.

and while hearing this song, i realized that although this is a love song, it pertains more so to being a mommy. that no matter where she is...i am always thinking of her....

"i feel you in the pocket of my overcoat

my fingers wrap around your words

they take shape of games we play

thoughts of you

warm my bones

i'm on the way, i'm on the phone

let's get lost, me and you

an ocean and a rock

is nothing to me

i keep you in the pocket of my dresses

and the bristles of my brushes

spin you into my curls today

i spoon you into my coffee cup

spin you through a delicate wash

i wear you all day"

my non-mommy days will always be mommy days.

it's almost been a year...this mommy-madness. today i go back, 360 days ago, to the anticipation in my round belly and of all the magic it would bring us.

oh to do it over again!

so, to my non-mommy friends...enjoy your non-mommy days. because once that baby comes....every day is a mommy day, no matter where she is.

listen to the little ditty here.

:) have a good day! (mommy or non-mommy)

a day in the park

We took the babe to the park up the street today to get us all out of the house, out of the stress, and into the sunshine.

These are a few favorites of mine from the day.

Dear sunshine,

I missed you. Please stay for a while longer before the rains re-emerge.

Thank you kindly.

Love,

Amber, Justin & Avonlea

the nose knows

so today, as i am feeding the babe lunch, and trying desperately to get some kind...ANY KIND...of nourishment into her little body that doesn't involve the word cracker in it, i quiz her.

"avonlea...where is your nose?"

she stares at me blankly, even cocking her head like puppies do to funny sounds, eyebrows up, her blank stare turning into a puzzled expression.

i turn to the sink to start the dishes. and then i hear, "HEY!" in her little baby voice.

I turn around.

And there she is, huge gummy smile, with her little finger pointed on the side of her nose.

*mouth drop*

seriously??? my kid is a genius!

it's nice to see that i'm doing something right.

bottoms up!

A funny story to share:

In an effort to do a mad dash out the door today to meet my friend Blair for lunch, I put the babe in the playroom while I showered, hoping to distract her long enough for me to get ready for our luncheon. However, that did not happen according to plan.

Like most women, I have a shower ritual. It goes like this:
1. shampoo hair
2. shave
3. apply conditioner
4. wash body
5. rinse conditioner
6. wash face
7. crouch in hot shower a la The Crying Game.

just kidding about that last part.

So, between step 1 and 2, I hear Avonlea crying. I reassure. She continues to cry. I continue to reassure.
Still....crying. So, I peek my head out, I do not see her from the shower, and notice that her cries are actually muffled.
So, I finish my shower while she cries her muffled cries, getting louder and more hysterical as I hurry along.
And as our wet, sexy, dashingly beautiful heroine (i.e:: me) dashes out around the bathroom door, there she is.

Face first, bottoms up, into a bin of toys. Like, legs waving in the air, screaming her little head off.

I did what any mother would do.

I burst out laughing. Contemplated grabbing my Canon, felt too bad about making her wait any longer, and plucked her out of the bin. Her face was covered in snot, and her hair was wet from her tears streaming down her upside down face.

And, because she was so hysterical by that point, it was impossible to put her down without her screaming, making us 25 minutes late for delicious beet salad and window shopping.

Damnit. I wish I grabbed my camera. That photo would have been amazing.

11 Month Newsletter

Avonlea,

You are 11 months old. Holy cow! I can't believe that in 4 short weeks, you will be a year! Where did this year go?? We were so wrapped up in you that we hardly even noticed the changing of the seasons, the increase in grey hairs, and the newly emerging fine lines around our sleep deprived eyes.

You have had another growth spurt since our last newsletter, suddenly out growing all of your 9 month clothes and fitting perfectly into 12 months clothing. As we speak, we have just returned from a shopping spree at our favorite baby consignment shop in town, grabbing tons of great summer finds for you for our trip to Martha's Vineyard. Daddy can't wait to show you around his favorite little island, and I can't wait to go there for the first time with you, my love!

A month ago, we started taking Saturday morning swim lessons at our local pool. You weren't as interested in the "swim" part of swim class as you were in the "class" part. You waved and dove at the other babies, smiling and saying "heeeey!" while waving your arms furiously. Eventually, we got you to focus on the task at hand...and now you LOVE to swim, and will even put your face in the water to blow bubbles. We have one week left of this swim class series, and then we plan on definitely signing up and continuing this great class. We have made some good friends here, and have fun every saturday! We know that you will love the water when we head to the vineyard, and if you are anything like your mommy and daddy when we were kids, we will have to beg and plead to get you out of the water!

You started this month cautiously standing at furniture and letting go, crashing to the floor only to giggle and get back up again. And now, as I write this, you walk all over the house. The transformation from "crawler" to "walker" has been amazingly adorable. And tonight, at Grandma's house, as she stomped behind threatening to "get you", I do believe I saw you begin to RUN to get away! You now prefer walking to crawling, and I imagine it is because crawling just takes far too long now!

When last we left, you were giving us a run for our money in the sleep department. And With great persistence, great love, and of course, the Sleep Lady Shuffle, you now go to sleep all on your own, easily, and without tears. You surprised the both of us with how easily you taught yourself, and made us realize that it wasn't really YOUR fault to begin with. We taught you to need our help to go to sleep, and we had to teach you to learn to fall asleep on your own. If I only had a dollar for every time we have said "well...now we know for next time!".

(don't get too excited....."next" time is years away....) :)

February was a very challenging month for our little family, and with great sadness, we have all gained another guardian angel. You did not know your Daddy's Nana, but we have learned of her great love for all of her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren, and her incredible culinary skills. Although it seems that we have been surrounded by loss in this past year, you have shown us that when we fall, we get back up. I know that our angels, our Nana, our Babci, our Marge, are there holding your hand as you take your first steps, and I know that you are surrounded in their love.

Earlier in the month, we went to your friend Sara's first birthday party, where you got to eat your first cupcake. I love seeing you with other babies, especially Kylie, Cailin, and Sara...it is amazing to me how different you are with each of them....which personality traits emerge depending on who you are spending time with. I love how you buzz around, and barely have time to stop and give your momma a kiss, because you are far too busy playing with your friends. I love that when you see them, you toddle over to them and give them big sloppy kisses. I am excited to say that in september, you will have a new little friend, and we can hardly wait to meet them...until then, I know that you will share your guardian angels....not that we could keep them away! Congrats, D&D!

This week begins the furious party planning for your first birthday....and like your amazing personality, it will be fun, bright, and full of smiles, cuddles and sloppy wet kisses.

So, let the party planning begin!

We love you, muffin!

these boots were made for walkin....

this video was taken with my phone, so it is grainy and terrible. but, enjoy the frankensteinian walking! it's her preferred method of getting around these days. ;)

lions on lambs

So often, I take photographs and am frustrated with the outcome....they either aren't as beautiful as I had imagined them in my mind, something was out of focus, my subject moved too quickly....the list goes on...

Tonight, my goal was to realize the beauty in my own mistakes. There is great beauty here, in this every day life of mine. This raw, real, every day life.

I feel like this photograph is the story of my life lately....She's growing up so fast. She is my storm, and I am her calm.

February was a busy month. And it was easy to get lost in the to-do lists and must-get-dones, sadness and uncertainty. I'm embracing March and what it has to offer....hopefully gorgeous signs of spring, warmer winds, and a little less of the sad chaos that February blew onto us.

So welcome, March. In like a lamb....let's go out like lions, shall we? Bring it.

baby blues

this is what i get to fall into every single day. how lucky am i??